Ali G

[gerbie]

The beeb had highlights from this years red nose day. Some funny scenes, some interesting stories on the projects they fund. Still, the highlight was obviously Ali G doing an interview with Posh and Becks. I hadn't seen that one yet, though I read the interview on the web. I just reread it, it is not entirely accurate, they had cut plenty out, though some things I saw I couldn't find in the script. Never mind, it was funny to see somebody asking them all kind of questions everybody is dying to ask them. Then again, with Posh just giggling most of the time and Beckham eloquent as ever (i.e. says fuck all) it was mainly a one man show by Ali G. But he's good at that anyway. I'll put the whole interview in the comment section for those who are interested.

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[gerbie.livejournal.com]

(The Real Royal Couple appear on the stage and join Ali on the plush white sofas. Hand-shakes and greetings follow.)
Ali: (To Beckham) "Now, just because its comic relief doesn't mean you can speak in a silly voice.
(To both) Now where did you two meet?
Victoria: We met at the football
Ali: Now Beckham, what did you think of the Spice Girls before that?
Beckham: Erm? (bashful mumble)
Ali: For real! So had you already seen a picture of her and knocked one out?
B: What? (Wide-eyed Coughing)
Ali: What about that picture of her in the black pants with the slit in her dress that come up well high?
Apparently that picture if you look really close you can actually see a tiny bit of camel tuft?
(Pure shock from the Beckhams as the audience roars)
Ali: Now B, what's it like actually going out with Posh?
It must be amazing going out with a spice girl, but in an ideal world and - no disrespect to your bitch - in an ideal world wouldn't you have rather be with Baby?
B: No! (The look of fear growing with every passing second)
(Ali goes on to ask them why they got married only to have the question turned back on him by a defensive Posh.)
V: Are you going to propose to your Julie?
Ali: Has she been speaking to you before?
V: (Motioning backstage) Out there she was saying "You've got to get him to propose to me."
Ali: That's why she's out there. I heard that you two got married for the extra benefits - is that true? You thought with a little nipper coming along you'd get a little bit more cash?
V: Well that probably had something to do with it
Ali: So what does you two do together on a night in?
V: We're pretty normal. We like sort of getting in and you know, watching a video, a take-away, that kind of thing - your video actually!
Ali: Aiii, For real! Now does you go to watch him play football?
V: Yeah I do. Whenever I can. I like watching him play.
Ali: Now there's a really insulting song that they sing about you. Have you heard it? What is the words?
V: I can't repeat that really, it's pretty insulting.
Ali: (to Beck) But have you heard it?
B: No I haven't heard it.
V: Well what is it?
Ali: Well I heard something, is it about you taking it up ...
V: Oh yeah yeah, ok? It's Posh Spice ?
(leans forward and silently mouths "takes it up the arse")
Ali: (loudly) So you take it up the arse!
V: No!
Ali: That ain't an insult, that is the biggest compliment you can get!
V: Your just saying that cos you're a bit of a batty boy yourself.
Ali: (leaning back in his chair) You is crossing dangerous territory!
All I can say is that I wish they would sing that about me Julie.
Nah but serious, do you take it up the arse?
V: Of course I don't.
Ali: (to Beckham) So you telling me you ain't never been caught offside?
B: No!
Ali: Cos I heard you was well good at getting round the back and bending your balls in.
V: That the way he bends it, I have to say!
Ali: Little bit of a different vibe to Parkinson eh!
Now Beckham? You play football yeah, is it sometimes embarrassing having a shower next to all them reeeally big men?
B: No cos I'm one of them.
(Big 'Oooohhhh' from the audience)
Ali: Now before you go into the showers, so you ain't embarrassed, do you sometimes give yourself a semi?
B: No I don't.
Ali: Not even a bit of a shake? Or other things that would work? So who is da biggest in the shower?
B: I can't say that.
Ali: Then who is the smallest?
B: (laughs)
Ali: Is I looking at him?
V: I think you look pretty small sitting from here so you better get it out!
Ali: I don't wanna say this, but it's so big that the BBC wouldn't allow me to get it out, because it's so big - even if you've got widescreen..
(To Victoria) Can you get him to get it out?
(Turning to a blushing Beckham) For Comic Relief? Will - You - Get it out?